For The Woman Who Has Everything
by darthbobcat
Summary: What do you get a rich woman with the ability to make objects out of thin air for Christmas?


For the Woman Who Has Everything

By darthbobcat

'Twas the week before Christmas,

or at least thereabouts,

and Deku's Christmas was ruined

by his own fears and doubts.

All the heroes in training

felt holiday joy,

and yet, it was all lost

on that young green haired boy.

He muttered at breakfast,

he muttered at lunch,

he muttered in the bath

and during Sunday brunch.

'Til finally, Tenya,

unable to persist,

said, "Midoriya, please

say what's wrong, I insist!"

Deku's eyes widened,

And he started to say,

"I don't mean to cause trouble,"

'til Uraraka said, "Nay!"

"Stop doing this, Deku,

we know how this goes,

you'll bottle it up

until something explodes!"

Deku laughed with all tension,

And said, "Okay, fine.

I don't like to spread bad cheer,

it's not your fault, it's mine."

"It's the holiday party we

have on Christmas Eve.

My Secret Santa gift,

it is making me grieve."

Uraraka said, "Whoa,

Is that what it's about?

Tell us who you got and

of course we'll help out."

Deku started to speak,

but then Tenya yelled, "Stop!

There are rules, Uraraka,

the priority's top!"

The girl's eye contorted,

and she let out a, "Huh?"

Tenya straightened his glasses,

and said, "I could almost say 'duh.'"

"Without the kept secret,

the event is a sham!

Do you want chaos? Anarchy?

I say, no thank you, Ma'am!"

Tenya clapped Deku's shoulder,

and the taller boy said,

"I feel for you, buddy,

but it's your path to tread."

Deku nodded quite grimly and

said, "I understand.

I did not mean to cheat,

I won't go underhand."

Uraraka said, "You guys

are both thinking too hard."

Deku shook his head

and left to grab Mom's credit card.

The mall was a brief ride

by public transport,

and Deku arrived

with his nerves frayed and short.

"I don't know where to start,"

he muttered with dread,

when a familiar voice came

from the crowd up ahead.

"God, I hate Christmas shopping,"

Bakugo screamed from the throng,

"Get out of my way!

This is taking too long!"

"Oh, hey Kachan," said Deku,

a wide grin on his face,

"I didn't think I'd run

into you at this place."

"Crap it had to be you,"

said the angry young man.

"Why the long face?

You look worse than normal."

Deku whispered to Kachan,

"Uh, you're missing the verse,

we're supposed to be rhyming."

Bakugo just cursed.

"You keep Christmas in your way,

I'll keep it in mine.

Anyway, what's wrong,

Nerd?"

Deku said with a sigh,

"I can't really say,

because that would be cheating

and not the hero way."

Bakugo rolled his eyes and

left, saying, "Go to hell."

Deku chased behind calling,

"Okay, please, stop, I'll tell!"

"I drew Yaoyarozu for

the class gift exchange,

and I can't figure out

what wouldn't be strange!"

"She's rich, so of course

I don't know what is best,

and even when she needs something,

it comes out of her chest!"

Bakugo pondered for

half a heart's beat,

before saying, "Just get a gift card.

That's what I always do."

Deku said, "Doesn't that lack

the personal touch?"

Bakugo shrugged and said,

"Whatever. Smell you later, dork."

With a sigh of defeat,

and a feeling of dread,

Deku went off to find

a real gift instead.

At a tiny book store,

he continued to fret,

when a voice behind croaked,

"How's it going, ribbit?"

"Hi Tsuyu," said Deku,

with a smile on his face,

"Fancy meeting you at

this time and this place."

"You're muttering again,"

Tsuyu said, her eyes blank.

"I'm shopping for Christmas

and I'm not sure what to take."

"Who's it for," asked the girl.

"Momo," he awkwardly said.

And that's when Tsuyu got

an idea in her head.

"Riiiiiight, Momo," she said,

with a wink and a nod.

"I know what she'd want,"

and away they did trod.

At a shop full of scents

and cremes as thick as glue,

Tsuyu handed a jar and

said, "You know what to do."

"Momo's skin gets so dry

at this time of the year. And

she likes candied crickets,

at least that's what I hear."

Deku's brow furrowed deeply

and he said, "Wait, just who,

do you think this gift's for?

This sounds like it's for you."

Tsuyu winked once,

twice, three times again.

"I know it's a cover,

I'll act surprised, my friend."

Before Deku could protest,

she was off with a hop,

and the green haired lad opined,

"I wish this day would stop."

When from the shop next door,

came a feminine shout,

and Mineta landed at Deku's feet.

"Get out, pervert, out!"

Mineta looked up,

his eye puffy and red,

and smirked up at Deku.

"It was worth it," he said.

Deku sighed and said,

"Hey man, what did you do this time?"

"Just enjoying some beauty,"

came the midget's reply.

Deku truly knew better,

but his need was severe,

so he said, "I need advice."

"Sure thing pal, let me hear."

Mineta listened intently

as he was brought up to speed,

and he said, "I know exactly

what fair Momo needs."

Mineta was hidden

inside Deku's backpack.

And Deku said, "You're sure

this is what Momo lacks?"

Deku's face was on fire

with shame and disgust.

Mineta said, "Nah, it's perfect,"

his voice full of lust.

For they were in the shop from

which he'd just been ejected.

And on all sides were brassieres

that could be selected.

"Have you seen Momo's goods?

She's stacked, that's a fact.

She could use a new bra

to support her sweet rack."

On the left there were frills,

on the right, tasteful bows,

and all the while red blood

flowed from Mineta's nose.

And in Deku's heart,

at least that's what they say,

his plain, common sense

grew three sizes that day.

So the next day it was

that the friends did all meet,

a gift card in his hand

and heart full of defeat.

The exchange went off,

with nary a hitch,

but Deku's heart pounded

at a fever pitch.

When it was time to deliver

his square that he despised,

he slapped a smile on his face

but couldn't meet Momo's eyes.

The wealthy girl took it,

her manner full of grace,

and when she opened the bag,

a broad smile split her face.

"Thank you, Midoriya,"

said Momo with a laugh.

"It's perfect." He muttered,

"Oh, you're just saying that."

She shook her head,

causing her tied hair to bounce,

and she said, "No, I mean

it, thanks in abundant amounts."

"This will be great,

it gives me an excuse

to hang out with my friends!"

He said, "It's not a ruse?"

Momo leaned in and whispered,

"I know that you worry,

and I am hard to shop for,

so know that I'm sorry."

"But this isn't an act,

or attempt to deceive,

this is the best gift

that I could receive."

Deku's eyes then did widen

with mixed joy and shock.

"Bakugo was right?"

"Screw off, Nerd," he did mock.

And thus ends our story,

but before curtain call,

let me wish Merry Christmas

and Plus Ultra to all.

The End

This was my entry for the Work in Progress Discord's Christmas fanfic contest. It tied for first place, much to my surprise. Thanks for reading!


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